I just don’t understand …

Originally posted:  October 15, 2012

Tonight while my wife was at a women’s event at church, and the kids were in bed, I decided to open the bible instead of flipping on the TV. See, I would say that over the past month, I’ve been in a spiritual “slump”. Not that my belief in God changed, actually that was more obvious to me than before, as He has done several miracles over the past month. I have just been in the mindset of “God I know you exist, I know you sent your son to die for my sins, and I know you love me, but I DONT understand how and why my son had to die

So after reading a few random passages in the bible, I prayed and then stumbled across the following YouTube video by Francis Chan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=qnrJVTSYLr8

As I watched this 9-minute video, something he said really struck me. He said “Do you ever even consider the possibility that maybe the Creator’s sense of justice is more developed than yours? And that maybe His Love and His Mercy are perfect, and that maybe you could be the one that is flawed

So often we say “Well God wouldnt do this would he?”  or “I dont want to serve a God who would let this happen“. Do you realize that when you do that you are putting God’s actions in submission to your thinking or reasoning.

He talks about when you look at the Bible, there are some things in the Bible that God does that we would never think to do. I mean look at Job, and ultimately, look at Jesus. We would never think of God sending his perfect son to die for the sins of the creation.  His ways are higher than ours. That is why He is the creator and we are the “clay”.  I dont always understand God’s ways and He never promises that I will always agree, but He does promise that He will always be there for us.

I dont understand why Carter died, I just dont understand it. I could stand here and yell and shake my fist at God and blame Him for not stepping in on my behalf, or I can choose to let God work through this situation in ways that I would never think of. We have already seen some of those “blessings in disguise”. We had a memorial service for Carter a few days after we lost him, and I had several people come up to me saying they had experienced the same thing. So maybe one of the many reasons for Carter’s short life was so that we can be a comfort to those who are also grieving. I hope and pray that there are many more blessings that come from this, but at the end of the day, I need to remember that God is all-knowing and I am not, and that I just need to put my trust in Him to help heal our hearts.  I need to humble myself, and let God be God.

 

Thanks for listening…

-Larry

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Worth of Worship

Today I stumbled across something I wrote years ago while I was playing the piano and worshiping God. I hope this blesses your soul:

Lord, if I could only worship you when I am worthy, then I could never worship you. 

If I could only praise you when I am spotless, then I could never praise you.

My praise and my worship are because I am unworthy.

They are my love songs of Thanksgiving to you,

My Father who treats me as if I am worth the world, even when I feel I am not.”

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Take Heart

This afternoon as I was talking to God and just thinking about some recent issues, I remembered a verse I read this morning:

“Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:14 NIV)

The phrase “Take Heart” made me think, what does that mean? What does it mean to “take heart“? So I began to look for other places in the bible where it tells us to take heart, here are some of those:

 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

“Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.” Matthew 9:22

 

If you look at these verses, it seems like it means “Be encouraged” or “Dont Worry” … Thats exactly what I needed to hear today. I will wait on God, for he is my savior and my healer. Even though we are faced with an issue where there is nothing I can do to help, I will trust and have faith in the one who promised to always be there beside me.  See in the famous Psalms 23, he says:

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

 

Notice it talks about how God walks “with us” through the hard times. It doesn’t say that He keeps us out of hard times, but that He is right there with us, and in Him we can take comfort.  Its during the hard times that your true character is displayed. I know there will be good days and hard days, but I know I will come out of this trial stronger than before I entered it.

 

God Bless you all in Christ Jesus!

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Beauty for Ashes

I only tend to blog when I have something that I feel is very important to say, or when something really strikes a chord in my spirit.

This afternoon some of my wife’s friends held a surprise baby shower for her. This was a huge blessing for her. As most of those closest to us know, we lost our son Carter 10 months ago , last August. So we never thought we would be having another shower so soon.

Christina was reading some of her cards after everyone left, and she started reading the one that my mom had given her. Now my mom can write some novels inside those little cardboard cards, but she always has good things to say.  One of the things she said was:

God gives us beauty for ashes, creates strength from our weakness, and gives us gladness for our mourning.”

I have heard that many times growing up, I believe its from Isaiah 61, but today was just one of those moments where a verse you have heard 1000 times just clicks and makes sense. I pictured us coming to God with nothing but the “ashes” of our situation, the loss of Carter. As we stand before God with what seems so horrific, God begins to do something that only he can do. He begins to take those ashes and turn them into something more beautiful than we can describe. Just as I was picturing this, Christina said something so perfect to go along with what I was thinking. She said “You know, if it werent for the loss of Carter, there wouldn’t be a Liana. Had we had Carter last November as planned, we wouldn’t have tried for another baby”

We don’t always know WHY God does things, or allows certain things to happen, but we also don’t see the big picture of HIS story. His story has been playing out exactly the way he planned it all along. The greatest love story ever told. A Father who stops at nothing, even giving up his own life, to save his children. Maybe God’s whole purpose for Carter’s life was to bring us closer to him and each other. To show us how precious life is, and to keep going. I know God has a purpose for Carter’s life, and a purpose for Liana’s as well. Im thankful that I get to be a part of it, and let all the glory go to Him.

 

In Jesus Christ our savior

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Cody is coming to town

Its 6:30 in the morning , 12/19/2014, and we just arrived at the hospital, ready for our baby boy to make his entrance into the world. The reality that our last baby is about to arrive hasn’t sunk in yet. We enjoyed a movie night with the kids last night, and managed to get a little sleep. It was almost like being a kid on Christmas Eve, too excited to sleep really.

Its been 2 years, 3 months and 25 days since our last son, Carter, was born. I remember when I found out that he was a “He”, I was so excited to have another boy, not realizing what he and God would teach me over the coming months and years. While I still miss Carter today, I know he is healed and whole in our savior’s arms, and that he is also excited to have another brother. I know family is family forever. This short existence we have here in this life pales to what we will have in eternity. I know that all of heaven is looking down and rejoicing with us on this day. I personally am excited to have another boy, i’ve been looking forward to this day for awhile. And I am reminded of God’s faithfulness. What the enemy used to try and break us, God has used to bring us together and make us stronger.

Thanks to all who have offered there support over the past few years, we greatly appreciate it. You have mourned with us, and now its time to celebrate with us 🙂 Pictures of Cody to follow..

God Bless!

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Welcome 2018

Well, its a new year, and as most of you have decided to take on new ways of improving yourself in 2018, I have a few ideas myself. This year I’ll be doing my best to eat healthier, exercise more, write more, read more, and blog more !

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